By Donna M.
When my son was active in his addiction many years ago I was addicted to rescuing him and he became my drug of choice. I was his personal Bail Bondsmom, I was his Chief Enabler and my life became unmanageable just like his did. When I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and when I hit my enough I was able to unfold my body out of the fetal position to take a good look at my codependent and enabling behavior.
Carving a path forward in codependent/enabling recovery is when a parent, family member or anyone else can take an honest look at their behavior and participation in the toxic dance of addiction and stop blaming people, places and things for what they allowed and participated in.
My first step in my path forward toward my healing process was handing everything about my son's addiction over to a power greater than me, the God of my understanding. Letting Go and Letting God was one the hardest lesson I had to learn and the lesson I resisted the most. When I had no fight left in me and when I felt completely defeated I was able to surrender (pg. 52 of my book Peeling The Onion tells how I surrendered).
The second step in my path forward was learning that codependency is unhealthy love and that when I enabled my son I was allowing him to be comfortable in his addiction while I was uncomfortable.
The third step in my path forward was learning self-care. For me that started with having a Reiki session, I loved it so much I became a Reiki Master. I worked on my recovery by embracing my spirituality, with mindfulness, meditation and changing my language from talking about what I didn't want in my life to what I wanted in my life. For example, instead of praying that I didn't want my son to use drugs, I prayed that my son would live a healthy, happy life and I am proud to say that he does today.
As the saying goes "It works if you work it", I work on my recovery from codependency and enabling on a daily basis because if I don't I can vibrate back to my old ways and those ways are toxic to my body, mind and soul.
Listen, Lord listen; Lord a Mother's praying low and quiet, listen, please. Listen what her tears are saying; see her heart upon its knee. Lift the load from her bowed shoulders till she sees and understands you, who holds the world together, hold her problem in your hands. Author Unknown